Technically that title was clickbait because they have seen Hamilton. But don’t stop reading just yet! You may know my pookie and I from our other adventures together: namely Spookies With Pookies™ earlier this year. But, in honor of our freshman year bonding over introducing them to the queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race (shoutout Eureka O’Hara), I decided it was high time I drag them down into the rabbit hole of theatre. Specifically musical theatre, as transferred through the musical Ride the Cyclone.

Ride the Cyclone was created in 2008 by Brooke Maxwell and Jacob Richmond. The official website describes it as a “hilarious and outlandish story, the lives of six teenagers from a Canadian chamber choir are cut short in a freak accident aboard a roller coaster. When they awake in limbo, a mechanical fortune teller invites each to tell a story to win a prize like no other — the chance to return to life” (Ride the Cyclone). Outside of the kooky happenstance and all the oddness packed into the roughly hour and a half long production, the main message of Ride the Cyclone is to consider what truly constitutes a life well lived. And that God could just be a Zoltar-like fortune teller with a penchant for making people in limbo do odd things.

Disclaimer: If you have not seen the musical, some of my pookie’s reviews will not make sense. Just go with it or watch the musical yourself. It is really that weird. Pookie, take it away.

(Pookie review)

Hi, Pookie here (aka KJ & Gay Person). My pookie (aka Archer & Gay Person) has been asking me to watch this musical with him ever since he got back from being British (ew). Now, I know I sound like an awful human being by putting it off for a full semester, but look, life got busy. I got the common cold, and then I had a paper due, and then I had a series of mental breakdowns, and Fridays simply don’t work for my schedule for…reasons. Until one fateful date, Archer sent me a true masterpiece of a digital invitation and I simply couldn’t refuse. It was also planned to be in my apartment, so really, what was I supposed to say besides yes? It was a chance for pookie bonding time, and I could never turn it down regardless of the fact that we did live together for nine months and have been friends for over two years. With cookie dough bought and Dr. Pepper in my fridge, it was time for the moment many have been waiting for. The moment I would actually watch a musical in full. It’s a well kept secret of mine that I actually couldn’t stand Hamilton. So could my pookie get me to enjoy this? Well, thanks for asking, I’d love to tell you. 

Now, I famously have a not-so-stellar memory, and I wasn’t taking notes during this watch, so if I say something completely wrong, just keep that to yourself. Okay? Thanks. 

I had a vague idea of what to expect, purely because of things Archer has mentioned. However, there was one thing that he mentioned that I thought was just a joke, but we’ll get into that in a moment. Back to the subject at hand, this musical started with one of those fortune teller machines (by the name of Karnak) that you’d find at a festival or a restaurant in a tourist town you vow to never return to. And then there’s a human in a rat suit named Virgil, who plays bass, and then is never seen again. He is referenced once more, but I was under the impression that this rat would be a major character. They clearly made a costume, what was the reason?? Anyways, enough of my beef with the rat. As Archer said, the entire plot of this musical is church kids dying on a rollercoaster, as is the plot of all great things. Once these teenagers die, they are taken  to what I like to call “The Afterlife’s Waiting Room” where they compete to be the person worthy of returning to the living world, as instructed by Karnak. They all sing a song about dying, and then each perform a song about their lives and why they should be the winner. Ocean calls her friends stupid and dumb and useless, while seeming to forget that the vote has to be unanimous. Then, Jane Doe shows up because apparently there were six members after all, one was just forgotten, and she was unable to be recognized after the accident, hence, Jane Doe. Now, let me just tell you, the vibe was an eerie Victorian doll, and she served face. After that brief interruption, it was time for Noel to sing about the tales of being gay, and how he wished he was a woman…? Now, I’m no media analyst, but it seems to me like a trans allegory. He wore a dress, he kissed a boy, and he had me singing “I embrace a new man every night” while knowing for absolute certain that I am a lesbian that definitely isn’t doing that. After this performance came my two personal favorite lines of “I liked the part where the two boys kiss” and “fornication under the consent of the king”. Now, it was time for Misha to repeatedly sing the word “awesome” while rotating back to him yearning for his fiance like only a lesbian could. Truly inspiring, I must say. Then… the moment that had my jaw permanently dropped. Ricky sang about alien cat sex. Now, I know you’re probably thinking “KJ, what was in that Dr. Pepper?” but I swear to you, this is a real thing that happens. Archer mentioned it before we watched, but I blocked it out of my head because surely this wasn’t real. To attempt to make some sense of it all, Ricky grew up nonverbal and disabled, and surrounded by cats. It makes sense that in his teen years he was interested in the idea of fornication under the consent of the king, but this is just a bit much. From what I gather, he imagined a world where he was the ruler of these alien cats, and the females desired him carnally? Never in my life did I think I’d be writing these words in a very public article at my University, and yet here we are. Moving on from that…performance, I suffered emotional whiplash because now Jane Doe was singing about being forgotten. Real sad stuff, I just couldn’t absorb any of it because of what I just witnessed. The final performance was from Constance, who sang about being known as the nice girl. Her family was well known in the town that she so desperately wanted to leave, and it honestly seemed like she was going through the classic teen trope of just not knowing yourself beyond being nice. I get it, I really do. Finally, it was time to vote, but instead of it being unanimous, it was up to Ocean, probably because she was the self-proclaimed leader of the group, and quite frankly seemed incapable of not sharing her every thought. She voted for Jane Doe to have her soul be reborn as it seems like she never got to experience life, and then a slide show played of the entire life of this woman, who was originally Jane Doe. Honestly, it might’ve brought a tear to my eye if I wasn’t so caught up on alien cat sex. The musical ends with Karnak dying, and the rest of the gang being transported to the afterlife. 

My thoughts? Well, I have some, I guess. I still don’t really think I’m a musical kind of person. I know, it’s my right as a gay person, but sometimes you just have to be different. Overall, I rated Ride The Cyclone a 6/10. I wouldn’t exactly watch it again on my own, but I would if someone else wanted to watch, purely to see them react to the scene I have declared to be famous. Does Ride The Cyclone have what it takes to #besouthwestern? Well, you’re just gonna have to watch and find out.