Captain’s Sweet Surprise Replaces Spring Break
Did you hear? Mysterious van promising free desserts to freshly eighteen year olds arrives in the parking lot next to freshman dorms! The van comes about once every two weeks. Southwestern administration thought this was an even trade-off for cancelling Spring Break.
Students are feeling burnt out at this point in the semester, so Southwestern administration found the solution: free desserts. Not the expansion of mental health services on campus, though. Instead, professors send a “these are hard times for all of us during a pandemic, but keep on pushing through the work assigned! Also, remember to breathe :).” With its thousands of students, it is hard to get a hold of the counseling center due to the tens of thousands of students that call to make an appointment.
The university cancelled Spring Break due to fears of students travelling out of state and getting COVID-19. Improvising, some students created their own break and went to Florida. They were barely wearing masks in the first place, so a COVID-19 hotspot like Florida seemed ideal. Anti-maskers expressed their disapproval of Southwestern keeping the mask mandate on the Southwestern app, which led to some students arguing amongst themselves on the app. Southwestern administrators solved the problem to this: deleting the post and not addressing the debate over masks.
Not to worry, though, students can think about how last year, they were told to leave campus immediately while they munch on a donut from the Captain’s Sweet Surprise van. At least not having a Spring Break this year was not as bad as being kicked out with little warning!
Happy April Fools.