April Horoscopes for Fools
Aries: Your good vibes don’t make up for your lack of personality.
Taurus: Try ordering something other than chicken nuggets off the menu. We know you’re stubborn and don’t like change, but give it a try.
Gemini: You’ve been on Dr. Phil’s waiting list for a long time, but if you need expert advice all you have to do is talk to your other personality.
Cancer: Just because you’re an oversharer doesn’t mean everyone else is. Also, stop crying.
Leo: “Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” If Mark Twain said it, then it must be true. Stop trying to be so perfect, because we already know you’re not.
Virgo: Rest assured, your opinion matters. Maybe not to anyone important, but that shouldn’t stop you from sharing it.
Libra: Just because you’re obsessed with yourself doesn’t mean everyone else is.
Scorpio: A word of advice: You can be whatever you want to be. Just don’t be stupid.
Sagittarius: If you never admit that the other person is right, then you can never be wrong.
Capricorn: Keep in mind that counting to 10 makes it premeditated.
Aquarius: This month you’ll most likely dissociate… like you do every other month. We get it, you’re “unique.”
Pisces: The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. We know you’re scared of the dark, but keep swimming little fishy.
Happy April Fools Day!