Ever dream of Mr. Darcy walking through a fog to propose? Hoping for Anthony Bridgerton to say we are the bane of his existence but the object of all his desires? Or perhaps we’re all silently praying a vampire is waiting 400 years for us to be reincarnated? Well, too bad. Instead of yearners who eventually do earn, we have what Sabrina Carpenter based her song “Manchild” on . Here at SU, we have our D1 love bombers, the classic “don’t do relationships” because of one breakup in middle school that defined love for them,  the winter arc ones which somehow seem to last year round and the most disastrous one, the boy best friend.

Honestly, I blame Disney. They had us thinking someone would move mountains or slay dragons or at least text back within the hour. They told us love would be filled with grand gestures and orchestras playing right when we lock eyes, not “wyd?” at 2am. We grew up believing in fairytales, but, instead of the Beast who gave Belle a whole library because she liked to read, we got the guys who think sending the two eye emoji counts as emotional depth. 

At SU, every situationship follows the same unwritten syllabus. The semester starts off strong with late night texts, walks to the Cove for a little late night drink, or snack and studying together. Suddenly you’re both sharing songs, using each other’s lingo, and referring to each other as “my favorite distraction”, no matter how corny that sounds. But then midterms hit and– no, not the academic ones, the emotional ones. The affection starts to slow down, the replies are shorter, and, then, you hear the famous five words “I’m just not ready yet”, which is a translation for “ I want all the benefits of a relationship without the accountability of having one”. And yet, we stay enrolled, because, somewhere in the chaos, we convinced ourselves that if we just ace the next exam, meaning act nonchalant by texting less and going with the flow, we’ll graduate to official dating status. Spoiler alert folks…we won’t. 

If Jane Austen wrote about the norms of love life nowadays, she’d call it Pride and Perpetual Miscommunication. Situationships thrive on the almost. “Almost” together. “Almost” exclusive. “Almost” you. The era of emotional limbo where you’re not single enough to flirt freely but not committed enough to expect consistency. You tell your friends you’re fine and call it “low pressure”, but you spiral seeing them active while you’re still on delivered, or seeing them talk to other people but can’t be upset or then you’re too invested. Sheesh… 

Now, every campus has its roster of romantic characters and, here at SU, it’s like a group project gone wrong. Below are the most known ones, and this list can guide you on  how to categorize your situation into…

1. The D1 love bomber will tell you you’re different during week one and then forget your major by week three. He’ll say the three serious words “I love you” and then pair it with the other three dreadful words of “we’re just friends”. 
2. The ghost in Greek life will disappear for weeks and will return with the story of being busy with rush life and busy with throwing all these mixers, but, after that excuse, they’ll write the casual “missed you tho”. You’ll roll your eyes, then answer anyway. We all do. 
3. The athlete who tells you they can’t do commitment because they’re “really locked in this season”, as if the NCAA forbade emotional intimacy. But, don’t you worry, when the weekend hits, they’ll have the time and energy to send that “u up?” text. This doesn’t mean they are bad people, no, not at all, they’re just emotionally benched. Well, some are literally benched, but multitasking exists. 
4. The retired romantic who has communicated they’ve been hurt one too many times and now has sworn off dating but still wants to hang out and watch that movie. They’ll make you feel like you’re the exception, not the rule, that you’re the one who “makes them believe in love again”. 
5. And finally, the boy best friend..probably the worst one of them all. The one who knows what makes you tick, copies your lingo, sends “made me think of you” TikToks, and somehow always finds his way into your orbit. You’ll tell people y’all are just friends as he flirts with everyone like it’s his minor, but everyone around can tell something is up. He says he’ll do anything for you, and you know you’ll rush to his aid whenever but that doesn’t mean anything,  just friends. He’ll defend and stand by you in front of others but will ghost when the feelings start to look too real. You’ll tell yourself he’s just being a great friend but deep down, you both know it’s something murkier, something more complicated, something neither of you would dare to try or even feel…right? 

Now, unfortunately,  all of these categories can be just one person. I will give the honorable mention (my personal favorite), and that’s The Timeless Crush. This is the one who makes you feel like you’ve been shoved back into your 16-year-old self again, stomach buzzing and giggling at almost every interaction. You both know there are too many complications for it to ever be official. Wrong timing, religious differences (how could you explain to your parents), wrong everything, except the connection. You don’t see each other, but every few months, you get a call or a text and of course you answer. Because when things are falling apart, bad exams, work day, family drama, emotional spiral, and you’re lying there staring at your ceiling, the other one is always falling apart in the exact same way. He doesn’t just get your sense of humor, your ambition, your stubbornness, he has all of them. He’s like that one part of that Lana Del Rey  song “All of the guys tell me lies but you don’t, you just crack another beer”. He doesn’t try to overly impress you or manipulate or perform affection like the rest of them.  He simply exists with this effortless honesty, almost careless in how he is and that’s what peaks your interest. He’s just…you in male form. A terrifying yet exciting feeling. You’re not obsessed with how he treats you; you’re addicted to how he knows you, and good luck trying to forget what it’s like to meet yourself in someone else. 

The truth is that everyone is a little romantically unhinged. We’ve all built love stories in our heads that don’t exist…yet. Perhaps it’s another word for hopeful. Because, even when we joke about 3am texts, we still crave connection. Every great love story starts with a little delusion. So, yeah, they might not give you a library like the Beast or help you build your dream restaurant like Naveen in Princess and the Frog, but, if they text first and actually plan a date that’s not in comms? Girl, start planning that wedding… Stay unhinged, stay smart, and cue the end credits.