By: Amy Gu

This year, Southwestern is pleased to accept an offer from the organization White, Trite, and Fair (WTF) offer to extend its presence to college campuses in addition to public middle schools. WTF aims to promote awareness of the daily oppressions that white men face in the Deep South because of their association with the entitled white men who abused their privileges to lynch, rape, and dehumanize non-white people.

“We believed that our visits to SU would fit perfectly with their goals of fostering diverse perspectives,” active WTF member Raul Birdy Lee said. “We have noticed that students pass by us in the town square looking at us with a very perplexed expression. After one student asked me, ‘what the **** are you doing here?’ I knew instantly that we needed to foster the white racist man’s perspective at the college level.”

Conveniently, Confederate History month occurs in April and concurs with Southwestern’s celebration of Asian Heritage month. For this reason, the WTF graciously invited to dinner all two and a half of the Asian-American students they were able to locate as well as some students whose names appeared semi-”ethnic.”

“This was the perfect opportunity to bring together people with so many different things to bring to the table. We want to foster our perspective to these exotic- I mean diverse orientals- I mean individuals,” Lee said.

The dinner, if the invitees accept, would consist of the cuisine that Confederate white men so generously shared with Chinese coolies in the dear Old South: rats and sometimes cooked rice. The WTF will also prepare a lecture about North Korea’s policy of guilt by association and expose how in the US too, blackened souls rule white men as guilty by association with slave owners and Donald Trump.

The WTF is also confident that it will remove the invited Asian-American students from the closet and bring them to the limelight. (These Asian-American students literally meet in a closet due to a lack of access to other spaces as well as a lack of acknowledgment that they actually exist at Southwestern). The WTF plan on presenting the two and a half Asian-American students with cell phone parts and instructions in Chinese to display their engineering intelligence (despite their academic concentrations in the humanities).

Despite not receiving affirmations from the student groups, some students have responded individually via social media. Recently, an unidentified white-but-diversity-advocating student tweeted “WTF is #WTF doing?” Even more recently, a student identifying as African-American tweeted “#WTF?” WTF responded, “So honored that 3 5ths of ur tweet is our acronym.”

Editor’s Note: This is a satirical piece published as part of our April Fools’ edition in The MegaphOnion.