Happy, Single Southwestern Woman Enjoys Life: Concerned Friends, Community Wonder How She Can Be So Naïve
By: Michelle Hershberger
‘Always a bridesmaid, never a bride,’ brought on new meaning for a Southwestern student who stood up for a record breaking 18 SU women who were married in a single day, part of a collective wedding recently.
The previous record for most Southwestern students married in a collective ceremony was 12 in 1936 following a raid of the dining hall, according to an issue of The Megaphone published that year.
The 18 women, none of whom married fellow Southwestern students, are part of a 19 “best friend group.” One member of the group, sophomore Crystal Jones, was not married in the collective ceremony held on Feb. 28. Instead, she acted as the single bridesmaid for each of the 18 ceremonies while different groomsmen cycled through for individual brides.
“Getting married with 17 other couples made my special day even more special. Having all of my best friends there and being part of each of their weddings was meaningful beyond words,” junior Maggie Lee, who was married that day, said. “I just wish all of us could have gotten married that day.”
The ceremonies took place over a period of four hours and a reception following the collective wedding lasted long into the night.
“It was such a beautiful day with all of my friends and we had so much fun at the reception,” senior Kayla Phillips, also married that day, said. “We had a cotton candy machine and our napkins had word searches printed on them but even though I had so much fun, I could not really stop feeling bad for Crystal.”
At one point in the ceremony, guests reported several of the brides filing into a restroom, looking around as if they did not want anyone to notice. A guest in the bathroom overheard the women talking about Jones and how she seemed content despite the fact she was not part of the ceremony and is currently single. The brides talking in the restroom were puzzled and concerned by this.
“The best part of my day was seeing how gorgeous everyone looked,” Lee said. “The worst part was what happened with the bouquet toss.”
During the bouquet toss, a wedding tradition in which a bride throws her bouquet over her shoulder to guests with the superstition that whoever catches it will be the next one married, Jones was the only participant as the only single person at the reception. All 18 brides tossed their bouquets at once and Jones was unable to catch even one.
“The most disturbing part was that it didn’t even seem like she was trying,” Lee said. “She was apathetic about the bouquet toss but smiled through everything else. It was so strange.”
Despite each of the 18 brides agreeing the image of Jones standing on the dance floor with 18 bouquets at her feet was “haunting,” “horrifying,” and “upsetting,” they agreed the day was special and unique.
Jones declined to comment at first, but followed up by saying she was happy as a single woman and enjoying life.
“I am really happy right now and everything is going great with my classes and extracurriculars,” Jones said. “The wedding was wonderful and I was glad to just be the bridesmaid even without a date.”
None of the 18 brides, nor any member of our 60 person staff at The Megaphone, understood the meaning or sentiment of this statement.
Editor’s Note: This is a satirical piece published as part of our April Fools’ edition in The MegaphOnion.