Type to search

A Satirical Response to a ‘Suspicious’ Clock


A Satirical Response to a ‘Suspicious’ Clock


By: Amy Gu

So apparently some people have been using their famed social media accounts to send invitations to that kid Ahmed to bring his goddamned contraption to their companies and homes. People like that potato-skinned guy in the White House, that Facebook CEO married to that sleepy-eyed girl—they all keep telling this kid to bring his “clock” to their places of work! And even commending him for making this threatening piece of terrorism! Why can’t all of those NASA people see that OBVIOUSLY, this Ahmed kid totally had no ounce of humanity in him to use his interest in engineering to build something of practical use like a CLOCK.

Anyway, haven’t you all heard? School-bombers keep their bombs in the wide open and blatantly visible. In fact, plenty of them will grab their teachers’ attention and show them the bomb so as to get arrested before bombing a school. It’s always easy just to distinguish a snow-white innocent student from a burnt-souled terrorist—I mean, all juvenile delinquents make sure authority figures see their weapons of mass destruction just to make it easier to slap a “criminal” label on them.

It’s not even the people who see a piece of metal in a kid’s hand who can recognize that that kid is a bomber. Just Google what the police officers said to Ahmed when they first caught sight of him. You might find several pieces that cite that Ahmed himself attested to the brilliant jurisdiction of law enforcers. Type in a bomb-free computer’s search engine: “Yup. That’s who I thought it was.” News sources say that Ahmed had no recollection of ever interacting with or even having seen this officer before who made this very viable jurisdiction.

Let me clarify something. RACE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

Come on, those police officers clearly did not automatically associate this random stranger with another terrorist group that happens to share some phenotypic traits as he does. OBVIOUSLY, this particular police officer has the clairvoyant superpower to discern if a complete stranger is guilty of a crime just by looking at the complete stranger for a split second.

Sheesh. Those superstitious hippies crying “racist” at every element of American society seriously believe racism can still exist? I sure as hell have never experienced racism before, and I’m oriental! I really was inattentive all those times my grade school teachers told me to wake up even though I thought I was already awake. When I was a sophomore in high school, I definitely deserved to be stopped and questioned for marijuana possession—I totally behaved suspiciously when I walked to the bathroom instead of diligently practicing my classical music in the after-school orchestra rehearsal next door.

By the way, have you taken a look at Germany’s history? That Hitler guy? Or what about those Asian-looking people who raped and killed pretty much everyone in the capital of some neighboring country (man I just cannot tell apart the different kinds of Asian)? I mean, when has America ever arrested, killed, brutalized, harassed, bullied, belittled, and marginalized people just for identifying with a certain religious or racial group?