Southwestern University fraternities are often misunderstood, mostly because people outside this campus assume they function like fraternities everywhere else. Large houses, endless members, identifiable missions, here only one is crowned large. Well, large is a bit generous. At other universities, fraternities are sprawling operations where bad behavior gets lost in the numbers. But here at Southwestern, they do things differently. Smaller (size does matter), louder, more personal, more….creative. What makes the fraternities here superior isn’t size or reputation, but its specialization. Each one offers a curated experience allowing every guy to choose the version of adulthood he feels most spiritually aligned with. Why grow when you can brand? And believe me, when it comes to branding, they work like no other.

Take, for instance, the fraternity whose members treat college like a four year LinkedIn workshop. Important to mention are the ones that send you a LinkedIn connection the following Monday. Yes, this really happens. These men are always networking even when they’re at parties, even when not asked. Even when we really couldn’t care less. Conversations feel less like flirting and more like interviews. Instead of asking for your phone number or social media, they’ll ask what you’re doing after graduation. I understand that chivalry is dead, but did its death have to be so tragic? But alas, everyone is a future favor, a potential connection. Their favorite phrase is “let’s definitely keep in touch”. Newsflash, he won’t be keeping in touch with me or the career center, it’s all a lie. The vibe here is business casual at all times. These men are already the country club dads, they’re just waiting on the mortgage. At other schools, this would be odd. Here it’s professional development; their dads must be so proud of how their sons grew up.

Then there’s the fraternity dedicated entirely to performance. Not performance in the theatrical sense, though there is plenty of that, but performance of masculinity itself. Drinking matcha and listening to Clairo, anyone? 6’2” by the way. These men are very invested in being seen as the good guys no matter what. They talk about respect constantly, they post about accountability, allyship and “doing the work”. They believe growth is something you announce rather than something you practice. If being progressive was a sport, they’d be stretching on the sidelines, loudly explaining the rules while never quite entering the game. There’s really nothing more to be said. I just hope they enjoy that feminist literature that they’re definitely reading. At least I know who bell hooks is. 

Another fraternity offers a more …physical philosophy. These men believe self improvement happens exclusively in the gym. Emotional range is replaced by protein intake. Depth is measured in squat racks. If feelings arise, it’s straight to the gym they go because nothing processes emotions quite like pre workout. While they may not be tall, they are always committed to gains, to repetitions, and to reminding you that they used to play a sport back when they peaked in high school. Brotherhood here is shorts and Birkenstocks (especially in the winter), a game of table pong outside, built on shared workouts, and a silent understanding that leg day is optional but creatine is not.  Seriously, if I have to see one more container of protein powder, or shudders creatine, I might end up on the news. Follow my advice and never try to build a real connection with a gym bro, you’ll always come after the protein goal. Even worse is when they talk about their protein goal on a date. Don’t ask me how I know.

And finally, there is the fraternity that prides itself on being “modern gentlemen”. This is an identity rooted in tradition, respectability and the belief that saying the right words while frequently gathering in enclosed rooms or under their house stairs to inhale lots of air “to take the edge off” absolves you of doing the right things. What truly sets them apart, though, is commitment to heritage. Inside jokes. Private humor. The kind of humor that only exists when everyone in the room looks the same and agrees it’s “not that deep”. Their ability to take something as outdated as racial mockery and keep it alive, quietly, digitally and among brotherhood is impressive in its discipline. Not everyone has the discipline to make cruel demeaning posts, deny them and still call themselves gentlemen for their next. Genuinely, impressive work guys! In public, they are quick to remind you they would never say something like that. Truly, they are gentlemen after all. As soon as they are in private spaces, after a long day of Rocket League, their bravery truly shines. They hurl hate all while groaning at Madden like they are Tom Brady winning the 2021 Super Bowl. It takes confidence to demean someone from behind a screen, and still insist you’re a gentleman. Give yourself a round of applause and pat on the back, you deserve it. 

These boys, no, these men, have an unfair reputation. Of course they do.  Yes, they may occasionally single out women on campus for ridicule.  They perhaps speak about women the way people speak about bad service; entitled, dismissive and convinced they are always the victim. Yes, they may lean on stereotypes they insist are “jokes”. Yes, they’ll tell you to “lighten up”. Yes, they even turn on each other, making snide remarks about one another, like how one of their brothers will never amount to anything once they get out of SU, but this is a tight knit brotherhood. Their small size is nothing compared to their dedication to mutual destruction. But don’t you worry, even after all that, one or two will still email your Dad asking for an internship because nothing says gentleman like networking after emotionally terrorizing people. These are, after all, the stand up guys of the school. 

What truly separates Southwestern frats from those at other schools is their commitment to community engagement. They don’t just exist on campus, they shape it. Yik Yak, Fizz, and everything in between will know their names. Through whispers, through warnings, through the unspoken knowledge passed between students. Nothing unites a student body like collectively knowing which spaces to avoid and why.

Accountability, of course, is central to the fraternity experience here. Accountability has the same vibe as bigfoot. You may spend your life looking, but it’s unlikely you’ll ever truly find it. It’s something that happens eventually, theoretically, after enough time has passed for everyone to feel uncomfortable bringing it up again. 

So yes, SU frats are better than those at other universities. If you disagree, well you’re just wrong. Why go anywhere else when Southwestern has everything you’re looking for? These frats definitely know what it means to #besouthwestern.