Friday the 13th. A day that has held its claim to fame since Jason Voorhees first appeared on the silver screen in the movie of the same title. If you believe the rumors, you might think this elusive date is one of the unluckiest or spookiest…or just an excuse to watch horror movies outside of Halloween. For me, it is just another day on my calendar. But today will be different. Today, for the first time ever, I will be watching a full horror movie (as a jumpy and easily frightened person) and condensing my thoughts here for you to read. The things I do for journalism… 

For reference, the only horror-related content I’ve been able to consume in my lifetime so far is horror games played by FunkyFrogPlays on YouTube and The Reconciler — a movie where the main villain makes the protagonists apologize (how scary). Even Beetlejuice scared me. And that’s not even considered horror by any stretch of the imagination. So make yourself comfortable, we’ll see how scared I can get at 10 AM in the morning on this fine Friday, watching a horror movie on my iPad. 

Almost immediately the curse of Friday the 13th fell upon your intrepid reporter. I was locked out of my family’s Netflix. So rather than bother my father at work for a login, I decided to find one on YouTube. Today’s movie of choice was Terrifier…mostly because I’ve seen the main clown character floating around online and hope it’s recognizable enough.

An hour and a half later, I have been transformed into someone who has watched exactly one slasher film. All in all, I think Terrifier is just okay for the slasher sub-genre of horror. It has gore, jumpscares, and a creepy mime-clown hybrid, but there’s not much substance beyond that. While there may be more lore in a sequel or floating around online, the audience is never given a clear motive as to why Art the Clown murders people or even what he is. The movie hints at him possibly being some sort of immortal being but that makes little sense to me. From what it seems, the movie was a rather low budget horror flick and it did well at what it was. Art the Clown appeared very expressive despite never saying a word and some of the gore was quite accurate to real life while also looking a touch goofy. I took notes of the entire film, so please enjoy partaking in the literary version of my descent into madness by looking at the highlights (without many spoilers).

• The lady’s face is not that scary. Not super accurate to wounds, I think.
• Art the Clown has such beautiful soulless eyes.
• Why fingerless gloves? He’s a murderer, doesn’t he know about fingerprinting?
• Don’t go exploring the creepy place PLEASE
• A baby? Why? Just to have creepy baby noises? I bet it’s a lure.
• My heart is pounding.
• Why did I do this to myself?
• Girl run. Yes girl. No girl no.
• The door is obviously locked. Go hide. Don’t clomp up the stairs. You idiot.
• Don’t smoke, you’ll get people killed I guess.
• Oh no big strong duct tape.
• Oh get chopped in half.
• I’m gonna throw up.
• I’m shaking.
• Aww a kitty. Back to the horrifying screams.
• Art, your fingerprints are all over this place, you’re going to get arrested. I hope you go to jail. Why are you doing this anyways? Art I need a motive here bud.
• YES RUN. Be a track star. Go go go. Exit with haste.
• What’s that one audio? Don’t go on needless journeys? These people should listen to that.
• DO NOT LEAVE THE CLOSET. Stay where it’s safe. Don’t come out. Don’t be who you are for your pride.
• Awww the rats are kinda cute. I’m sure nothing bad will happen to this person now.
• Straight chillin. Am I desensitized? 
• Why did he hang up on 911? You’re not supposed to do that.
• Why did you leave the locked room? You’re dead. So dead. Yep. Dead.
• I need to hand out therapy how Oprah hands out cars.

Journalistic integrity is such a beautiful thing, don’t you agree? On the whole, while I don’t think this movie will turn me into a fully-fledged horror fan, it was a good experience. The characters weren’t as sensible as I thought they should be, but logic, reasoning, and leaving when things start to get freaky are not exactly the cornerstones of horror content. If you’re a scaredy cat like me, it’s entirely possible to watch a horror movie. The point of horror is to make you scared and anxious. Everything from the music to the lighting to character choices is designed to keep you on edge. However, after the movie is done, there’s an emotional release. You know such occurrences likely won’t happen and there’s no need to fear. So next Halloween, maybe it’ll be the right time to get the bejeezers scared out of you with your friends and family — all in the hopes of bonding and feeling better afterwards.