St. Patti’s Day Celebration Ruined by the Saint Himself
By: Meret Pavlina
Every year, on March 17, men and women across America come together in a glorious show of togetherness and inebriation, to pay homage to the memory of iconic St. Patrick, a fifth-century bishop and missionary. St. Patrick is also hailed in the catholic faith as the patron saint of Ireland, having brought Catholicism to popularity among the Irish people after being kidnapped from his native Britain and brought to Ireland as a slave. As might be expected, the legacy of this great man is celebrated through the donning of green top hats, shamrocks, and Leprechaun costumes, usually combined with the imbibing of large quantities of alcohol, dyed a bright Irish green—to further honor St. Patrick, of course.
This year’s celebration of St. Patti’s was expected to be no different; men and women across the nation participating in a beautiful and time-honored cultural tradition which has been celebrated for many years. However, one fraternity party at University of Texas had their St. Patti’s Day shaken up by a surprising turn of events: St. Patrick himself making an appearance.
Although no one on the scene managed to capture photos or video of the saint, the hundreds of eye-witnesses make the incident impossible to ignore.
“I was just doing a keg stand, trying to beat me Patti’s Day record, you know?” one attendee recalled. “When I wasn’t upside-down anymore, there was just this weird dude in robes standing there, sort of watching us.”
Based off of the party-goers’ reports, it seems St. Patrick arrived at around 11 p.m. After the initial confusion, one woman launched a google-translate app on her phone, and they were able to bridge the Gaelic-English language barrier. Once it became clear who he was, news quickly spread through the house, and everyone was eager to meet the legend. A group of the fraternity brothers hoisted St. Patrick on their shoulders and carried him around to a chorus of “O, Danny Boy.” For some reason, the saint seemed resistant to this activity, and barely appreciated the fact that this celebration was dedicated to honoring him.