Infographic courtesy of whitehouse.gov. This data is speculated to affect blonde, white actresses who claim they too are Asian-American and Pacific Islander.

By: Amy Gu

Actress Scarlett Johansson awaits charges of speeding and Driving While Asian (DWA). While pulling out from a parking space, a police officer stopped Johansson to inform her she was speeding—driving at 16 mph when the speed limit was allegedly 15 mph. Johansson was charged of Driving While Asian (DWA), evidence being that she appeared younger than the legal driving age.
“When I took the role of Rebecca in Ghost World, I didn’t realize that this meant I would adopt ALL of what it’s like to be Asian,” Johansson said. “I thought I could play a Japanese-American character on the screen and go back to my normal white life.”
Hollywood films have had a long history of casting white actors and actresses to play Asian-American individuals, whether these individuals are fictional characters like Rebecca of Ghost World or actual Asian-Americans like the blackjack masters, Jeff Ma, John Chang, and Michael Aponte played by white men in 21. Anglo-American actors and actresses like Katherine Hepburn have even received awards for playing Asian characters.
Some members of the Asian-American community ask, why cast white people to play Asians instead of casting actual Asians? Clearly, white people are better at being Asian than real Asians. Here’s why:
When a white person dons an Asian role, they so generously adopt ALL aspects of the Asian experience in the US and relieve Asians of their long history of mockery and political scapegoating. Think of it as Jonas’ role in The Giver. The yellow facer not only receives the good Asian experiences of playing strong women characters like Rebecca in Ghost World, but the bad Asian experiences too.
“I suddenly felt horribly depressed when I became Asian,” Johansson said. “It was as if I had spent my whole life in a love-hate relationship with my family, who didn’t know any better besides to parent in the they were treated in internment camps.”
Johansson allegedly called Angelina Jolie, who played a black woman in A Mighty Heart. However, Jolie dismissed her blonde-blue-eyed Asian friend coldly.
“She told me ‘girl, you have it easy out of all the minorities. At least your role didn’t make you black. When have your people ever helped us out?’ I can’t blame her. All the history books have erased the ‘yellow peril supports black power’ activism during the Civil Rights movement, and the media amplifies not the very common Asian victims of police brutality but the much less common Asian-on-Black crimes,” Johansson said.
Like Johansson, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have become Asian because apparently blonde-haired-blue-eyed Americans make better Asians than black-haired-brown-eyed Americans. For this reason, Trump and Clinton have disappeared from the presidential primary ballots. They were alleged with failing English proficiency exams despite English being the only language they know, and a long history of DWA’s.