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SU’s New Assistant President: Dr. Syde O’Fries

Satire

SU’s New Assistant President: Dr. Syde O’Fries

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By: Anna Krolikowski

Being the president of a university is no easy task, especially when you’re doing it alone. Therefore, it’s no surprise that our very own President Burger has made the decision to hire an assistant president to share the load of responsibilities. Southwestern University will welcome its new Assistant President, Dr. Syde O’Fries, starting next fall.

Dr. O’Fries is more than qualified for the position. He graduated from Georgetown’s own Burger University in 2001, then went on to become a professor at the little known Pihkal College in the small town of Katchup, Illinois. Katchup is a small liberal arts school very similar to Southwestern, located in a quaint suburb of the big city of Chicago. Dr. O’Fries taught at Katchup for fifteen years and took several trips to Turkey for research. However, Dr. O’Fries had dreams of bigger things, which eventually led him to apply for the position here at Southwestern.

“I loved teaching at Katchup, but I found myself wanting to do more. Even though I knew I wanted to advance my career, that didn’t necessarily mean I wanted to go to a larger university,” Dr. O’Fries explained. “Southwestern seemed like the right fit. It’ll be great to return to Georgetown. President Burger clearly has a lot on his plate, and I’m more than happy to help.”

Dr. O’Fries isn’t the only one excited for the transition. The student body is also eager to welcome their new Assistant President.

“I think Dr. O’Fries will be a great addition to Southwestern,” Owen Yuhns, a sophomore at Southwestern, said. “President Burger is great by himself, but having Dr. O’Fries to help him out will definitely do a lot for the school.”

A meet and greet with Dr. O’Fries will be held later this semester at the Cove. Students are encouraged to ask the new Assistant President about his time at Burger University and Katchup College, as well as his plans for the future.

“It’s very exciting,” Dr. O’Fries said. “I’m really looking forward to becoming a part of the team.”